


The Midnight Cloaked Road

by sassanddicks



Category: All Time Low
Genre: Alex Gaskarth - Freeform, F/M, Jack Barakat - Freeform, Jalex - Freeform, M/M, all time low - Freeform, wow i attempted jalex fanfiction okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-08
Updated: 2014-02-08
Packaged: 2018-01-11 20:53:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1177811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassanddicks/pseuds/sassanddicks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack fucks things up and Alex lets go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Midnight Cloaked Road

Carry on my wayward son,

For there'll be peace when you are done

Lay your weary head to rest

Don't you cry no more.

 

Alex ~

 

I am running. My bare feet pounding against the cold, lifeless concrete. My is breath quick and loud against the eerie silence of the night. The sound of my rapid heart beat echoes around my skull. The moon peaks out from behind the black veil that cloaks the sky. Only showing a small part of its usual whole self. I look up at it brushing my hair from my eyes and wiping the sweat from my brow. The moon and I have a lot in common. I have hidden myself away from the world for so long, only showing certain parts of myself in small doses. Showing the world what it wanted to see. Sometimes people saw the good side of me, where was happy and confident and gave a convincing smile; and sometimes, not often, people saw the bad side of me. Where they realise how broken and damaged I really am. Where they realise that I am and always have been a lie. But as luck would have it tonight, the moon and I shared the same side. Tonight the world got to see the broken side. The side that I had locked and chained away for so long. Tonight the world would see who I truly am.

I am lost as to where I am. All sense of reality I once had is long gone, along with my sanity. I am so consumed in the vortex that is my mind, twisting and turning, thoughts turned to thorns pricking me so painfully that I have stopped several times out of such pain that I could not go on. I haven't heard anything apart from my own heart, that I so wished I could rip from my body and hurt it as much as it was hurting me. My legs are still blurry, speeding down the road. I cant be sure if it's from the alcohol or because I am going so fast. My hands reach up to my chest and I claw at it, wishing I could stop the torture. I continue running down the midnight cloaked road. My hands continues scratching at my chest, I feel my nails break and snap but the pain won't register in my mind. The night is so dark that I trip and collide with the concrete. I slide along it grazing all up my body. Again I don't feel it and am only slightly fazed. I lay there struggling to get up, my body feels heavy and slow. I push my feet to my chest still siting upright and use my hands to push myself up. I loose balance again and fall over my arm and reconnect my face to the gravely concrete.

I lay here, alone once again. Thoughts start to penetrate the barrier I had erected earlier that night; and now in the early hours prior to dusk, I gingerly start to think about the memory that is too fresh to be a memory and yet it seemed so long ago. 

*

Sweaty and pumped after the concert we run off stage. I can feel the heat on my cheeks and the adrenaline in my blood. Zack is missing another shirt and Rian is gulping down a second bottle of water. I shake my head in amazement over the incredible set we just played and look over to Jack, who's staring right back at me. He's not smiling and I struggle to hold the smile on my face. He's angry. 

As the crew and band slowly disperse, including Jack, I am left with a sickening feeling in my stomach, he's angry, and when he's angry nothing good ever happens. I sigh, knowing that a confrontation was inevitable and stroll down the corridor, getting closer to Jack, and farther from any help. My stomach is tightening and nervousness is rolling off me in waves. 

I walk past several empty rooms, storing equipment and such. I begin to whistle, trying to put my mind at ease. I continue walking down the hallway, by shoes echoing, but it's when I hear a sound that makes my heart drop so far it practically exits my body, that I stop. Maybe I'm over reacting. It could just be Danny, god knows how horny that guy gets. Or Zack or Rian or anyone else, it just can't be Jack. 

And then I get my confirmation. A long and deep moan that echos down the hallway and almost pushes me over. A moan that belongs to Jack. I hear other moans, a woman. I feel the tears burning a trail down my face, angry tears. Tears of hurt and pain and betrayal. 

I move over to the wall and lean up against it, my whole composure crumbling. Pain in every corner of my body. I reach up to my head, pulling and tugging my hair, ripping at it. How could he? My pocket feels heavy and my body feels like lead. Pulling me down to the ground. I crouch up against the wall, my lungs burning and my fingers clawing at my hair and chest. The moaning still continues and every moan sends a bolt of pure rejection threw me.

He doesn't love me. 

I am distantly aware of the sound of Jack's whispering to the woman, and then her moans are louder than ever and the slapping of skin is more prominent in the quiet hallway. I tell myself I need to get up, to shout at him, to hit him, to hurt him as much as he's hurting me, but I can't move. My body refuses to get off the floor and as hard as I try, I know I can not. 

The woman is screaming now, and her shrill noises cut threw me. That should be me. Why can't I get up? Why arn't I stopping this?

I reach under to my jean pocket and pull out a small box. We we're going to be together forever. I chuck the small box and the wall and the sound echos. Then the moaning stops, but I am in too much pain to notice, or care for that matter. He betrayed me, hurt me like no one other than he could, again.

I hear the shuffling of clothes and the clink of high heels. 

"C'mon, we have to go." I can tell he's impatient and that he doesn't really like this woman, which hurts even more. 

I don't hear the reply but before I can move, before I can hide, before I can tell him I can forgive him, that we can make it through this, that I know it was a mistake, he's there. Walking towards me. He looks shocked, hesitant. I don't move, I can't move. My eyes and cheeks most likely red and blotchy remain trained on him. I am so broken. 

But then he surprises me. He does something that hurts more than fucking that woman. It hurts more than anything, any physical pain I've ever experienced. It hurts more than the hatred for myself. He walks right passed me. 

In that moment, I think I died. My insides turned to acid and my head was burning with thoughts and regrets and how disgusting I am. He would never of done it, if I wasn't so pathetic. Why would I even bother getting attached. He hated me. I was just a casual fuck. I am pathetic. I am nothing. 

How did I not see. See that all the kisses meant nothing. That the cuddling meant nothing. That the late night chats meant nothing. That the gifts meant nothing. That the flirting meant nothing. That the lust in his eyes meant nothing. That the wearing each others clothes meant nothing. That the smiles meant nothing. That the spooning meant nothing. That all of the sex meant nothing.

That all of the "Lex, I love you." meant nothing.

 

The worse thing is though. I don't blame him. Look at me. I am disgusting. Used and dirty, a play toy. To be returned to the shop, because he's broken. Broken because how could I love myself when no one else around me even spares a thought. When the fans, as loyal as they seem, really hate me. How could I possibly love myself when I am so utterly disgusting. So I don't blame him. I blame myself, because this has happen more times than I remember, but he has never ignored me.

I really believe it. 

 

I am nothing to him. 

*

I struggle to push the emotions away and my sobbing breaks the silence. I had been so wrapped up in my thoughts that i hadn't taken notice to the soft melody that had managed to capture my attention. 

 

Lay your weary head to rest

Don't you cry no more.

 

And so I decide to do just that. I take a deep breathe and drink in the words, the tears stop flowing and I close my eyes. No longer afraid of the end. Of death. Before I close my eyes for the last time I soak up the empty sky. I almost chuckle in the irony, no stars, and I guess that settles it. 

 

Tonight, the stars don't shine and the moon hides, tonight, is the day I die.


End file.
